Names are so important in our culture where first impressions often shape all future interactions. In this society, where signs of accomplishment are so important, sometimes moreso than the accomplishments themselves, I feel like many of us try to grasp at the images of success that we hold, and try to choose a new name to try to encapsulate the identity that they want.
So many places, we need a new handle. Email address, chat names, nicknames, rave names, pup names, looking to try to encapsulate our personality and our intent somehow perfectly in a little package. Companies hire name and brand consultants because names really are important. How will you be referred to in this space, and what will it both communicate about you and, in turn, shape you by shaping the communications of others toward you?
I’ve considered and tried several pseudonyms over the past twenty years, and none of them have stuck with any force. With the consideration of time, they felt ill-fitting or ill-considered, not really reflective of the whole that I so desperately wanted to reflect, rather than a compartmentalized slice. And so many times, even with name dictionaries and all sorts of fun, edgy stuff, I often sigh and say, “Well, just ‘Jason’ it is, then.”
And, my name, “Jason,” is just so generic and plain. It was meant to make me plain, not sparklingly stand out, not look stupid, just look solid and concrete. And Jason it was.
Over the past twenty years, I’ve considered and tried several pseudonums, and none of them have really stuck. With the consideration of time, they felt ill-fitting or ill-considered, not really reflective of the whole that I so desperately wanted to refelect, rather than a compartmentalized slice. And so many times, even with name dictionaries and all sorts of fun, edgy stuff, I often sigh and say, “Well, just ‘Jason’ it is, then.”
At various times during my marriage, especially when I considered beginning an academic career, I thought about taking my late husband’s last name. It was short and easily spelled. It sounded great with Jason. And I think that it subconsciously separated me from my father’s side of the family. I often, and I think unfairly, viewed them as brilliant Appalachian Foothill white trash disasters, too involved in internecine drama to progress. And while that may or may not be true, it is true that they are brilliant minds who are exceedingly capable and exceedingly determined. My own father had quite a reverse-engineering scientist’s mind, and I think that, had he not been profoundly dyslexic, depressed, and traumatized, he could have accomplished much. In this, there is a lot to be ashamed of, but much to be celebrated, as well.
And Jason works well enough, too. When I was young, I wanted to heal people. I want to heal people now. I’ve gone through a lot of terrifying quests and difficult familial relationships, as well. There was also this being akin to Medea. And I think that, even moreso, with its commonness, my life is anything but. I am the resolution of a lot of very oddly-opposing dialectics, and so my name is, I suppose, a fitting juxtaposition. My life is my life, plain name or not.
So even after a few name trials, a few thoughts on things that might be cool or edgy, we are right back around to, “Jason.”